Feeling Behind

Here’s something about myself: I tend to be an overachiever. Regardless of the situation, I will usually try to go above and beyond what is required. If extra credit is offered, you’d better believe I’m doing it. If I am put in a group project, I am likely to take the lead, or at least contribute greatly to the group. This is just who I am.

Which is why it kills me that I’m not taking any classes this semester, and I’m giving up the transfer guarantee to UC Davis. My bipolar disorder has felt like a large inconvenience, and one that continues to stop me in my tracks.

I worry constantly about where I am in relation to my peers. It’s easy to feel like I’m falling behind, that I am not where I need to be. It’s discouraging when all of your classmates from high school are further ahead in schooling than you are. Then to broaden it, I look at sports players, famous actors, and musical artists; I can’t believe how successful people can be at such a young age. It makes me feel like I am lacking in some way.

I have to remind myself that I’m in special circumstances. That it’s okay to be on my own path. I think that’s important for everyone to remember, especially when we fall into comparisons. As they say, “comparisons are odious.” Of course I can say this, but to believe it is another thing. I suppose it’s something I need to work on.

Something I wanted to let you all know: I may not be able to write as frequently as I was before. It’s been difficult for me to write lately (which is frustrating as heck) but hopefully I’ll be back soon enough. Thanks for sticking with me so far, and much love to you all.

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