dating (& loving) myself

Let me start this off with something about myself: I have dated consistently since I was 16 in high school (I’m 21). When one relationship ended, I didn’t spend too much time alone before jumping into the next. I think a part of me was afraid of being alone. I didn’t know what to do with myself during the in-between times, and it was easier to date. Which sounds counterintuitive, because it can actually be really difficult to be in a relationship. Anyways.

Some news… I am now single. And I want to spend this time focusing on myself and what this means for me, instead of the relationship that ended.

I’ve already begun to feel the effects of it, and it’s an odd feeling to know I’m on my own. I think it still hasn’t quite sunk in yet, but I’m sure it will soon. It’s already starting to. But I think this time for myself is going to be important in shaping who I will become as a person.

I’ve already become very bored, since I’m used to texting someone all the time. However, I realize that was a distraction for me, and that I need to learn to be alone. It’s a scary thought, especially since I’ve been with someone for so long. My sister brought up Ann Perkins from Parks and Recreation, and how at one point she was done with guys and wanted to date herself. My sister told me I should do the same, and I believe she’s right. It’s time for me to take time for myself, and love myself, without relying so heavily on another person.

While being single sounds scary, and while I’m still recovering from my manic episodes, I think it was the best choice for both me and the other. I hope that I can develop myself as a person, and figure out ways to love myself in the meantime.

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