doing what is good (for health!)

I have bipolar disorder. This is a fact. I even had an entire blog dedicated to it once upon a time. Lately, I have been hospitalized and poked and prodded because of it. It’s rough having to accept it, and having to accept the fact that I need major help when it comes to this. It’s even gotten to the point where I am doing electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) to try and get my neurons to fire correctly. It feels borderline extreme, and something I never would have imagined for myself.

However, I’m at the point where I’m at the mercy of my doctors. I need to follow their lead, and admit that I need this intense help for my mental health. I was actually very sick, stuck in a bipolar mania without sleep for about a month. The strangest part about it is that I don’t remember most of it. The three sleepless weeks they tell me tell me about feels like only three days; or at least only a handful of days. But the more I think about it, the more I get the feeling it was longer.

Getting discharged was one of the better days, even though it wasn’t completely awful at the hospital. There were some awful people though. Sticking a bunch of sick people together sometimes sounds counterintuitive to me, especially when it comes to mental health. However, I had some really good nurses and people taking care of me during my hospitalization. They were mostly great people, who truly want to give the best care to their patients. I felt (for a majority of the time) loved and cared for in the hands of these nurses.

It’s been difficult transitioning back home, especially while doing the ECT. I don’t feel like myself, not completely. I haven’t written like this in awhile, I’m not reading or drawing… even conversations with friends aren’t lasting lately. It’s not anyone’s fault, and certainly not my own, but it feels like such an interruption in my life. I’m not taking classes, and I still have to make up the classes from my last semester. I was planning to transfer to UC Davis (I even got a transfer guarantee for this fall) and move out, but all of that has been put on hold. It’s frustrating to say the least.

I don’t mean to just complain; I think I want to update as well. It’s been a wild ride, and one that seems to want to continue. I hope that everyone knows I am doing okay, and also that I want to continue posting but it may not happen as frequently as I would hope. I appreciate everyone’s concern though, and I hope that my recovery can continue to be a swift one.

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